Getting into the IAS

After an eventful struggle that began in may 2009, I have finally managed to get IAS in general category today. I have come to a point which could be a starting point of my fantasies...the strange aspect is that i haven't had any fantasies as such . There are just imaginations rooting from people's common perceptions (eg. The power, prestige or social status that comes with it)...but these are not mine..

As far as i am concerned it is about the assertion of the self.... The culmination of the preparation stage...the time when the numbness of my being matures and combines with an egoistic zeal to act...and act not for the material pleasures of my self but for the satisfaction of the spiritual self. That will be a lethal combination...when god acts through you even when u don't claim credit for the same...

God has to act through me before... Those have been the best moments of my life when i felt a series of serendipitous occurrences are nothing but cogs in a skillfully prepared master plan by a power much greater than me. I must prepare myself for it...it needs strength,commitment,hard work and skill...skill to maneuver my emotions and those of others...skill to bring solutions to problems...work out ways through unseen puzzles with real people acting as sentinels...it would need me to command my senses to the extent that the habitual impulses becomes immaterial. The big question now is Whether i will be able to stand up to the challenge or not. I may not know the answer but i am surely not going to give up without a fight.

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