Tuesday, July 13, 2021

4 Years of Isha


I reached your gates with my sweetheart,

Unsure, hopeful and most of all, desperate.

Desperate to be guided, guided to what I already knew.

 

Notions and weights of the past were still fresh,

Experiences and their emotionally coloured memories.

Memory that sought to be untangled, untangled and understood.

 

Hugged the metal vessel with the snake on guard,

Held it with all the life within me and repeated my question.

Questioning why I am not able to find peace, peace in life or in the idea of death.

 

There were no immediate answers, no blue lights, no luminous opening chakras,

When I asked you something, you chose to close your eyes but to speak.

Spoke about everything in the world, the whole world except what I had asked.

 

Fifteen hundred days, I held on to you, with whatever timid strength I could muster,

Compromisingly at times, defiantly often.

Often making it about me, the very me that I wanted dead.

 

What a journey it was that you have crafted,

Could have been straighter of course but, has been perfectly curvy.

Curves that were needed, needed to untangle the karmic mess.

 

Snakes that were scary have become fellow companions,

Stares that invoked fear now remind to be awake.

Wakefulness driven by deep love, the joyful love for life. 

 

Was seeking ailments, afraid of volunteering,

Afraid of any new social situation, unknowingly moved by your grace.

Got situated at Dhyanalinga scrubbing, scrubbing through this moonless night.

 

Impossible to put fingers on the timeline,

Seems like a life long journey with moments, each profound.

Profound and pregnant, pregnant enough to contain a lifetime in itself.

 

Here today, in the chilled water, forehead plastered to my dear vessel,

All questions dissolved, absent is the desire to be guided.

Guide found within me, the me that envelopes everything.

 

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