Silence.

Something that was penned down after a 3 days of silence experience in Isha ashram. It seemed like 3 snaps of fingers. The 3 minutes' overtaking of worldly chaos may have shattered it from outside. Yet something profound remains inside - something concrete and solid. Something that keeps expanding and at times, envelopes me fully. Often, enveloping the whole world I know.  

Darkness is the absence of light.

Silence is the absence of noise.

In words, silence cannot be described.

This silence is so profound in its own right.

 

Thoughts are needed to paint the picture of thoughtless void.

Darkness cannot be described without mentioning light, 

All the thoughts are meaningless,

It's only this silence that matters…

 

Yet an attempt,

To capture, what transpired in silence,

Fearing, it might lose out in the chaos,

Chaos - of within and without…

 

 

If you take more karmic load now, when you are well and capable, later you will walk “hands - free”! – Sadhguru

Those who are into intense yogic sadhana often choose to take on an extra stock of karma on a new - moon day.

Pit Stops - Engineering Chaos

I see myself as a complex system of fluidic realities. There exists a multitude of identities, yet a certain sense of system within the chaos persists. I see myself as a carriage moving ahead in the jungle of complex worldly realities. The two wheels of the carriage are my mind and body while my sense of Awareness (the big "I") is the third element which sits on the driver's seat.

The whole carriage moves in sync,  sportingly exchanging friendly gestures with each other.  It joyfully moves forward in the bubble of divine grace surrounding them. Tackling worldly challenges creatively while running at an extraordinary pace on the well laid out path of self development. These are the moments when we get lost in the bliss of performance - things going exactly, or even better than the way we had visualised it. These are not the best times to grow and upgrade the machinery - these are times to just enjoy the rapid movement of a beautiful machine.

But then comes times when the whole machinery is distraught with coordination issues - nobody is listening to anyone else. The body and mind taking competitive turns to define the path and the driver is lost. Lost, either in deep sleep or fighting a losing gun exchange with its own once-dear friends. These are the moments of potential growth. When there is chaos in the machine, it is the best time to open it up and lay bare all the various parts clearly and define the way it will function.

The ability to do that what is necessary is within me, undisturbed and potent. I just have to allow my awareness to take charge. The awareness that I am neither the body nor the mind is enough to allow things to fall back on course. It is also enough to allow the upgrade of the entire operating system of the carriage. So that it goes back on the track with renewed vigour and sense of purpose. These moments of chaos are as important as are the pitstops for Formula One machines. 

Meanwhile, one should never lose consciousness of the noisy whisper of Life that surrounds - Surf On!

Surfing with my Shiva

He is here -

Unbelievable, yet so clear…

Adorning this arm -

He is here on His board,

Surfing the living Seas -

While dancing in a flow,

 

Oh Shiva!

Am feeling blessed by Your loving touch,

You destroy me and make me Whole…

Devi - my Divine Mother

Here's an assembly of words to expose a brief glimpse of the journey from the snapshot of BITS - Pilani - in front of Maa Saraswati temple - as a driven yet confused teenage boy - and then 16 years later in front of Linga Bhairavi idol at Isha - as a clearer yet excuse-making saadhak. 

She took me in Her arms then,

Just one among the thousands of young men.

 

Giving direction to the intense upsurge of energy within,

Making the boundaries of one's capabilities thin.

 

Dissolved utterly in Her loving embrace was I,

There was nowhere else to go, nothing low or high.

 

With unreasonable madness and the passionate grit,

In front of Her shining white stone form did I sit.

 

Words and judgements mattered less and less,

Giving hard time to myself but knowing that I was blessed.

 

I sit here today, yet again, in front of Her another form,

Bowing to my Mother while feeling that I am being re-born.

 

Didn’t realize how these sixteen years flew by,

A district collector was borne out of our little boy.

 

Ridden with guilt, evasion and all shades of emotions,

Ready to face the stormiest of life's commotions.

 

Maa,

Hardly anything has changed since we last met,

Posts and honours of this world are not to be fret.

 

The boy is the same with shades of emotions intact,

With his mad devotion and the passionate grit to act.

 

Have been often fooled to believe that I am on my own,

Don’t know how to thank You for being there all along…

 

3 Years Later - 24th Feb, 2025

And today, You walk with me, blessing my home,
The haven where Niyati and your grandson roam.

Taking form in all that's tender and wise,
You swirl around me, a storm in the skies.

I tremble, uncertain, still lost in the fray,
Yet much must be done, the soil waits for the day.

I know not how the path will unfold,
For wisdom like this is too vast to hold.

Beneath the tamarind, with muscles worn,
You urge me to see as my mother had sworn—
Not in the greys, nor in the night,
But cherishing only the hues of white.
For even in caverns where shadows confide,
A flicker of light will always abide.

With my Guru’s blessing, this vow I make,
To kindle the flame, for all others’ sake.
I must burn my life energies bright,
Not just for kin, but for all in sight.
  

ऐ दायी

मैं समझ ना पाऊँ तेरी बोली 

तेरे सामने लगता है मैं कुछ ना जानू 

चेहरे की तेरी चमक और तेरे शब्दों की गति से

कोशिश करूँ की तेरी मंशा पहचानू,

 

बेचे तू मुझे यह अनमोल वस्तुएँ

ले तू मुझसे सिर्फ़ कुछ चिल्हड पैसे

लाख मेरे कहने पे भी 

एक आना भी तू ज़्यादा ना ले,

 

तेरे पैर छूने को उतारू क्यूँ हूँ मैं ?

 

तेरे भोलेपन में एक तीखापन है

तेरी आँखों में है सच्चाई जगमग 

अपनी बाहों पे अपनी पहचान पहने तू 

नहीं तुझे कोई बनावटी शर्म

 

कपटी सागर की मछली मैं 

तेरी सच्चाई की लहर में भिगा दूँ अपना मन …

 

ऐ मन

बेड़ियाँ भी तू बांधता है,

और बंध के झटपटाता भी तू ही है…

 

हर क्षण हो सकने वाले

हज़ारों सम्भावनाओं को, खंगालता भी तू ही है

और फिर भी, उसी क्षण में पूर्णतः 

ना खो पाने की पीड़ा, होती भी तुझे ही है…

 

कैसा विचित्र बालक है रे तू? 

 

मुस्कुराते हुए असहज भी तू है

और मुस्कुराने की इच्छा भी तेरी ही है…

 

मना करने के सारे बहाने तेरी ही देन हैं,

और निष्क्रियता में अपूर्णतः का एहसास भी तुझी को है …

 

Koorma Nadi

 I never lose it… 

On days with machine like structure;

Even those with unmanageable mayhem,

It's always there - 

The connection- to the one above;

                            - to the one within…

 

I live through it…

In moments of effortless brilliance;

Even those of suicidal heaviness, 

It's always there - 

The link - to my divine self;

               - to the real me…

 

I shine through it...

In phases of deepest slumbers;

Even those of excruciating wakefulness,

It's always there -

That connection;  That link;

 

Through calm or chaos - 

Of the body or the mind;

I am still connected- I am still linked.

Through that which sustains it all, 

That which sustains it all - my breath…

                     .This Breath. 

 

 

 

PS-   The first movement of kundalini begins at the bottom of the spine, at the kurma nadi. Control over the kurma nadi is more important than anything in the practice of pranayama or meditation.  - The Himalayan Institute ( https://www.himalayaninstitute.org/wisdom-library/kurma-nadi-churning-ocean-nectar/)