I wanted to write since a long time but somehow this "unimportant" desire was subdued by the more pressing concerns of the day. Having got to write now is the one advantage of my passing through this tiny valley of depression.
Looking back at my past few days, the only moments that i can recall are those of my walk from krishna to budh bhavan, through the C lawns. I like the way the disfigured, muddy way leading to a bunch of trees takes me to my room. I like the way the sheet of stars lie suspended for me to watch and admire their presence, the way the clocktower stands like a stalwart amongst the ordinary, proud to show its real face. The temple, lit by dull yellow lights, seems like a naked piece of beauty, stark as a flash of light, beauty impossible to be captured in one lifetime. The walk with my eyes closed, a phenomenon as astoundingly beautiful as a deep sense of gratitude felt for nothing - for no one - giving you that one moment that makes you one with everything - when you kneel with your hands spread,facing up, in total harmony - when you know you are silent but there is someone within you -shouting.
When i look back at the times gone, the could-be opportunities, the could-be sources of pleasure, i see a shocking pattern ! The moments which trouble me the most were not the ones when i was badly hit and had fallen down- in fact i loved those, but the ones in which i didn't want to fight ! in the ones when i couldn't gather the strength to stand up and face another blow. When I laid down on the ground, clinging to it like a miserably shrunk weakling. Still i wondered where my dreams have gone/ why was i feeling miserable! Hahaha ... What beautiful oxymoron the life has :) !!
