I reached your gates with my
sweetheart,
Unsure, hopeful and most of all,
desperate.
Desperate to be guided, guided to
what I already knew.
Notions and weights of the past
were still fresh,
Experiences and their emotionally
coloured memories.
Memory that sought to be
untangled, untangled and understood.
Hugged the metal vessel with the
snake on guard,
Held it with all the life within
me and repeated my question.
Questioning why I am not able to
find peace, peace in life or in the idea of death.
There were no immediate answers,
no blue lights, no luminous opening chakras,
When I asked you something, you
chose to close your eyes but to speak.
Spoke about everything in the
world, the whole world except what I had asked.
Fifteen hundred days, I held on
to you, with whatever timid strength I could muster,
Compromisingly at times,
defiantly often.
Often making it about me, the
very me that I wanted dead.
What a journey it was that you
have crafted,
Could have been straighter of
course but, has been perfectly curvy.
Curves that were needed, needed
to untangle the karmic mess.
Snakes that were scary have
become fellow companions,
Stares that invoked fear now
remind to be awake.
Wakefulness driven by deep love,
the joyful love for life.
Was seeking ailments, afraid of
volunteering,
Afraid of any new social
situation, unknowingly moved by your grace.
Got situated at Dhyanalinga
scrubbing, scrubbing through this moonless night.
Impossible to put fingers on the
timeline,
Seems like a life long journey
with moments, each profound.
Profound and pregnant, pregnant
enough to contain a lifetime in itself.
Here today, in the chilled water,
forehead plastered to my dear vessel,
All questions dissolved, absent
is the desire to be guided.
Guide found within me, the me
that envelopes everything.
