रसोई खाली सी - एक स्मृति, एक स्वाद, एक शून्यता

राजमा अब वैसा स्वाद नहीं लाता,
भूख है—पर मन कुछ खा नहीं पाता।
सब कुछ रखा है यथावत यहाँ,
बस आप नहीं… और कुछ भी कहाँ।

भरवा टमाटर—हथेली की छाप,
लौकी की दाल—सेहत की बात। 
बथुए का रायता—हँसी-सा घुला,
हर निवाले में अपनापन मिला।

काका भैया की आधी प्याली,
जिसमें सुकून उतरती थी गहरी काली।
पैसों का रखतीं पूरा हिसाब,
पर हर कोने में छोड़ जातीं प्यार का उधार।

अब ये रसोई एक सूना मंदिर है,
मसाले हैं—पर सुगंध नहीं दरकिनार।
डायरी की पंक्तियाँ दाल में घुलतीं,
जैसे कोई प्रार्थना धीमे से खुलती।

कढ़ी —जो पलाश को न भायी,
अब भी बर्तनों में आपकी छवि समायी।
जब तक थीं—हर स्वाद था घर जैसा,
अब घर… बस एक वीरान हवेली सा।

पैसा - एक दृष्टिकोण

i 

पैसा जग का द्रव प्रवाह है,
चक्रों का गतिशील राह है।
जहाँ भी आता, कम्पन लाता,
मन का संतुलन डगमगाता।
स्थिर बिंदु से हटना होता,
तब ही कुछ पाने का रथ धोता।

ii 

जब रोगी हो कोई प्रिय प्राणी,
तब मूल्य नहीं—बने बलिदानी।
ख़र्च लगे हो जैसे साधना,
या विधि की कोई कठिन परीक्षा।
कभी ये धन एक यत्न बन जाता,
कभी यह विकल ज्वार सा आता।

iii 

यह मुद्रा नहीं, यह कर्म का बीज,
अदृश्य हाथ की सौपी हुई चीज़।
इससे मिलता अवसर जीवन,
दिव्यता का छोटा साधन।
यह ऊर्जा है, गति की कारा—
इसको साधो, यही तुम्हारा।

iv 

सिर्फ उपयोग न दृष्टि बनाओ,
अर्थ में अर्थ का मूल लगाओ।
इस क्षण में क्या है सार तुम्हारा?
क्या उसमें है स्वर तुम्हारा?
जहाँ हृदय की गूंज बसी हो,
उर्जा वहीं समर्पित हो।

v 

जो दिखता है, वह केवल माया,
भीतर की सत्ता है सच्चा पाया।
चालक हाथ में खेल रचाया,
नियति ने दृश्य-भ्रम फैलाया।
जो असमय आया, अधूरा लगे,
शायद वही दिव्य संकेत जगे।

Honoring the Earth, Healing the Mind, and Uplifting Lives

Mrs Sarita Bansal's legacy - A Strategic Framework

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Honoring the Earth, Healing the Mind, and Uplifting Lives

A Legacy Carved in Compassion, Resilience, and Purpose

1. Nurturing the Planet: An Ever-Giving Tribute to Her Spirit

"Sirf Ek Ped Nahi Hoga Aapke Naam" – A Living Memorial

• Global Eco-Memorial Initiative: Planting trees in her honor across the world, creating green pockets of remembrance.
• Community-Driven Plantation Drives: Organizing tree-planting events on significant days like her birth anniversary.
• Educational Involvement: Encouraging schools, colleges, and local communities to participate, instilling a culture of environmental consciousness.
• Digital Tree Tracking: Launching an interactive platform where people can sponsor a tree, track its growth, and learn about her legacy.

2. Healing Souls: Breaking Chains of Addiction and Emotional Trauma

"Rebirth Through Recovery" – A Beacon for the Struggling and the Lost

A. Holistic De-Addiction Centers

• Sarita Wellness Centers: Establishing flagship addiction recovery centers, starting in major cities and expanding to rural areas.
• Integrative Healing Approaches: Combining medical care, therapy, yoga, and meditation for a complete recovery experience.
• Empowering the Recovered: Training former addicts as peer mentors, guiding others towards sobriety.
• Awareness Campaigns: Conducting outreach programs in schools, workplaces, and community centers.
• Global Alliances: Partnering with organizations like Alcoholics Anonymous and the World Federation Against Drugs.

B. Emotional Counseling & Safe Spaces for Women

• Girls' Rescue & Rehabilitation Centers: Providing trauma counseling, legal aid, skill training, and employment support.
• Accessible Emotional Well-Being Hubs: Creating both physical and virtual spaces for counseling and mental health support.
• Collaborative Action: Strengthening impact through partnerships with initiatives like Beti Bachao Beti Padhao.

C. Literature as a Healing Force

• Books on De-Addiction: Crafting a comprehensive guide blending personal stories, psychology, and spiritual wisdom.
• Support Handbooks for Families & Caregivers: Practical guides on navigating addiction and emotional well-being.
• Widespread Accessibility: Publishing in regional languages and partnering with global digital platforms for a broader reach.

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3. Empowerment Through Knowledge, Creativity, and Community Engagement

"Every Seed of Learning and Art Grows into a Forest of Change"

A. Education for the Young & the Underserved

• Libraries for Girls in Rural Areas: Equipping them with books, technology, and mentorship programs in collaboration with NGOs.
• Schools with a Holistic Approach: Establishing institutions focused on academic excellence, vocational training, and emotional resilience.
• Scholarships for the Bright Yet Underprivileged: Named in her honor, ensuring access to education for talented girls.

B. Weaving Values into Art & Literature

• Children’s Books on Kindness & Strength: Illustrated stories inspired by her life, fostering values of empathy, resilience, and leadership.
• Integration into Schools: Collaborating with NCERT for curriculum inclusion, making moral learning part of early education.
• Music as a Messenger: Creating compositions that echo themes of hope, strength, and social transformation.
• Using Your Platform: Advocacy for mental health, addiction recovery, and gender equality through public talks and policy recommendations.

C. Spiritual and Emotional Well-Being

• Meditation & Retreats: Establishing "Sarita Spiritual Circles" for healing through meditation, guidance, and grief recovery.
• Collaborating with Spiritual Centers: Partnering with institutions to hold annual events and well-being workshops.

D. Zen’s Journey as a Living Testament

• Music & Sports Initiatives: Leveraging his creative and athletic achievements to inspire and uplift underprivileged youth.
• Community Service & Leadership Awards: Recognizing young changemakers who embody values of strength and service.

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Execution Timeline

1. Year 1: Establish foundation projects (pilot de-addiction center, girls’ library, children’s book series).
2. Years 2-3: Expand initiatives regionally and nationally.
3. Years 4-5: Scale globally, integrating with international networks for sustained impact.

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This resolve is made public for a reason. It will be followed with a strategic action plan with calls for support. 

Life's Loops - An Entropic Perspective of Existence

If the universe gives you what you want, it’s seducing you, tempting you into a game where failure is almost certain. It spoils you, roots for you to fall, to hit the ground hard so that you can be picked up again. Not for cruelty, but for the lessons you’ve forgotten along the way.

But when it gives you what you need, it cradles you gently, swaddling you in a comfort you didn’t even know you sought. In the chaos of the world, it offers a quiet reprieve, a reminder that life isn’t a game worth attaching your identity to. This comfort, this stillness—it isn’t a trick or a trap. It is a reward.

Yet, in this exchange of wants and needs, we humans excrete entropy. In our endless quest for order, for artificial perfection, we inject an unnatural symmetry into the universe’s perfectly imperfect design. The universe, in its natural state, exists beyond space and time. It thrives in the collision of black holes, in the union of disparate energies, in the loops that define not just quantum gravity but life itself.

Excreting Entropy

Humans are, by nature, restless beings. We engage with the universe, not always harmoniously, but often in resistance—breaking its natural flows to build our own. We carve out symmetry where none is required, impose patterns on a cosmos that thrives in its own chaotic balance.

The universe, though, is patient. It watches as we struggle to make sense of it, as we create and destroy. It sees us as we loop through desires, through lessons, through the endless cycles of want and need.

Perhaps that’s the lesson the universe keeps teaching: that life isn’t a straight line but a loop. Every fall, every mistake, every collision is part of that loop, drawing us closer to understanding. Understanding that perfection isn’t the elimination of chaos but the acceptance of it.

Life in Loops

Think of two black holes converging—an act of incomprehensible chaos, yet one that births a perfect union of energies. Or the strange elegance of loop quantum gravity, which whispers that even empty space is not empty at all but composed of indivisible boxes, loops within loops.

Life mirrors this. It’s not a journey from beginning to end but a series of loops—cycles of love and loss, of learning and forgetting, of seeking and finding. We move through them, sometimes gracefully, sometimes with resistance. But each loop is a chance to align ourselves with the natural rhythm of the universe, to shed the entropy we create and find balance within its chaotic perfection.

Existence's Rewards

The next time the universe cradles you, offering you what you truly need rather than what you thought you wanted, let it. Let it remind you that life isn’t about conquering the chaos but living within it. Let it show you that every loop, every cycle, is part of a greater design.

For in the loops of life, the entropy we excrete, and the chaos we navigate, there is a lesson. A reminder that the universe doesn’t play games—it offers gifts. Gifts of growth, of balance, of understanding. And maybe, just maybe, the greatest gift of all is realizing that the loop itself is enough.

Parenting the Child Within

Suppose you were to have a child, what would you tell her? Would you whisper to her that anything is possible, that dreams and magic can be real? Or would you caution her to tread carefully, to prepare for compromises, to understand the boundaries of what might be possible and what might not?

The truth is, parenting doesn’t begin when you hold a life in your hands. It begins with the child within. The one who still believes, still dreams, and still aches. That child matters. Your body matters. Your family, your emotions, the stories and songs—they all matter. Life itself matters. 

Life matters. So don’t give up just because it feels tough now. This moment is not forever, and what seems insurmountable today will shrink to its true size when you face it. Ocean though it may seem, it’s just a puddle. And yes, you’re the only one who can pull yourself out of it. 

As for me, it's time to show the universe that these things matter to me—not just in words but in choices. Choices that align with what I claim to believe. Choices that empower rather than weaken me. Stop sending out conflicting signals, pretending to be someone small, miserable, or helpless. That’s not me.

I have been unnecessarily squeezing yourself into a role of self-pity, forcing myself to live smaller than I am. Why? It’s time to be me—the authentic, unapologetic me.

It's time to enjoy life as it comes: the urges, the deprivations, the freedom, the pain. Let it cleanse me. Feel the pulse of my heart as it dances to the emotional weather of the world around me. Savor every storm, every sunrise, every quiet night. And while I live to do all this, keep writing.

So I need to begin again, with a clean slate. Forgive—not to forget but to free yourself from the chains of the past. Only unconditional forgiveness can make room for the magic I'll need to unleash. Only then can I show my child—the one within and the one in my lap —how a magician works.

I need to take responsibility. Parent the child within and express the man I am meant to be. Boldness isn’t always about taking action. Sometimes it’s about letting my feelings sink into my being, dissolving and reshaping me. And then, when the moment comes, expressing them. This life, this moment, even this struggle—it’s a sign. A reminder that I am meant to take charge of my house, my family, my self. 

I would like to end with a didactic whisper to Zen (the child I am holding in my lap) - Best of luck, mon ami. Luck favors the bold, and boldness is a kind of surrender, a willingness to live fully. Be ready to feel, to forgive, and to create. And never forget: You are enough.

Dancing on the Rope

Life is a tightrope, and to live is to move. Every step is a moment of balance, a silent game played breath by breath. Yet balance isn’t found in a single step—it’s woven through time. You may wobble, falter, even lean toward the edge—but keep moving.

Step by step, forward is enough. There will be many milestones - each with its unique sense of completion. You keep moving forward yet it feels like you are moving in circles. Keep moving ahead over the knots that lie in front and you will see the circles will get bigger and bigger. As you move, your feet learn the rhythm. Once heavy with doubt, they grow light with grace. And one day, you’ll find yourself not just walking, but dancing—steady and free—on this tightrope of life. 

2024 - The Death of Comfort

September has Ended, I am still trying to wake myself up. What a year it has been so far!  

I saw death and birth. Death of my mom's body, birth of my son's. Death of my professional ego, birth of an inner balance. It was the year where new relationships were born and old ones died their cruel death. The year when I had to let the society die for me. I had to witness the birth of a new understanding that only and only a select few are needed for me to live at my fullest. 

I have written much about the pregnancy of existence. I feel like I have entered my labor and a new me is getting born. He will come through me but only when the old me dies. The mother has to die while she births to her child.  

Death although painful, has its own beauty. It births new possibilities. That's what 2024 is about. 

Oh Baby My!

When life gives you a choice,
Betwixt licking your wounds 
& Prepping for the fight,
Oh baby my! Give the healing to time,
To the next adventure you dance along!

When life gives you a choice,
Betwixt hating the fools,
& Letting the garbage go by,
Oh baby my! Bid the hate good bye,
To the next adventure you dance along!

When life gives you a choice,
Betwixt a thick dark frown
& A big fat smile,
Oh baby my! Don't think before you laugh,
To the next adventure you dance along!

When you feel that only one way lies,
That life wants you to feel low & dry,
Oh baby my! Trust these words of mine,
A choice hides close by, 

To dance as life's adventure carries on!

PS- A random scribble at the airport as I return to Raipur after seeing Niyati and our week-old Zen.

Mrs. Sarita Bansal

Everything about her is pious. She is a much higher soul, who had taken this life to nurture and pull us up in our respective journeys. Her life and its roles were not for the faint-hearted. Her decisions seem to be guided by a force beyond self-serving logic.

She lived her intense life as if it was an offering to someone divine. She suffered a lot, laughed a lot, withstood a lot and still, gave a lot. Her sufferings seemed enough to be able to cut many lifetimes of accumulated karmas. She never asked for anything, neither from people nor from life. Just kept giving.  She still gives and guides. 

As for me, she brought me into this world physically. She also shaped me spiritually. From reading the Bhagwad Geeta to me as an embryo to the Art Excel course in childhood, the DSN and Vipassana in the 20s and Isha Yoga later on. She was the silent nudge behind all my spiritual explorations. My spiritual being was nurtured by her loving hands. She always knew when I was having a difficult time - my teenage turpitude or even decades later, my cluelessness before Zen. Her few words were enough to give me the zeal to move on. 

She was the one who, with her limited freedom and resources, touched everyone's life lovingly. A lifelong learner, She loved maths and was a self-taught creative content creator. Chatting away with her bountiful supply of sisters, brothers, friends and everyone in between. She was the first to shower their families with birthday and anniversary calls. She kept her sweet sisters, blissful family, Devashish family, Banasthali friends and innumerable other clans together with her CGI collages and videos. Sunshine or clouds, she did this every-day. Till the cancer entered her brain again. 

The disease did its best to be dreadful. Yet she hunted the cracks in its dread to give life her broad-nosed smile. The cancer melted the strong emotional walls she had built inside of her. One of those days when I was trying hard to lift myself up, Muskaan came and spoke to me about her. How she spoke about her made me realise how much I have missed about my mother's life. In the last 2 decades, I have been busy with my own worldly pursuits and whenever I met her, it was brief and about me. She had sewed her own web of relationships which she nurtured and tended to. Muskan showed me that. She was her first grandkid. And to protecting her sanity, she took her out shopping when the emotional weather was to traumatic for a child. When I had secretly and shamefully lost hope, Muskan used to say that "Dekhna, Maa will come out of it, she has fought it before successfully, that too twice"

After the imli chuski episode, when she chose to delay her departure, a lot of magic was happening around her every single day. She spoke extensively about her childhood and was frank and unafraid even around Papa. Often taking the liberty to joke around and cutting people short jokingly. Her last year was more to give us, her Lucknow family time to accept the ultimate reality. In the last one year of her difficult life, she closed the emotional loops of her key relationships. Her magic penetrated the toughest of walls. I still remember papa wearing sherwani on the last anniversary they celebrated together. He became more emotive, reminding her that he used to call her Sweetu while talking about their honeymoon. She enjoyed her time with Kabir who always knew exactly how to keep the whole family engaged. Ever talkative and observant, he always brought a smile to his Maa's face. These last couple of years of her life was all about creating wonderful memories with family. With Garv laying out the cards as Palash, Shubhi, Kaka Bhaiya and Niyati play along while she watched. Telling me how my guitar could be improved, posing for pictures in her most recently shopped hat and scarf. She nibbled on her favourite sweets as she narrated her childhood stories to Muskan and Nisha Bhabhi. All her sisters and brothers took turns to visit her, and her response to their obvious question was "Ekdum Badhiya hai Sab".

After multiple rounds of surgeries and chemo, came her first demand for herself - "Mera 60th birthday achche se manana" was what she told me after seeing one of her school friend's retirement party. I often feel that she purposefully gave us a chance to serve her before she leaves her body. She wished me on my birthday on 25th Jan 2024 and that was the last she spoke to me. 

Before leaving her body, she closed all karmic loops, to the extent that no one can feel good about her going. She was protective of me all through her life, till her very last breath. Protected me from the painful realities of life and death alike. She passed away, sparing me the trauma of seeing her go. She left her body with gangajal and tulsi on her lips. With the lord in her heart and "Hare ram, Hare Krishna" on her mind. She passed away as her husband and her eldest son held her.  After spending 60 years on earth, on the morning of Magh Purnima.

That gloomy night as her bereft body laid in the hall, the moon had its brightest shine in years. Celebrating her home-coming and telling us that her being's luminescence is there to stay, in one form or another.   

She came. She gave and she left. Even while dying, she showed us how to live. 

Yes, she was not that old. Yes, her abundance of love could be cherished by us for decades more. But now that the inevitable has happened, life gives me only one choice. In fact, mummy has already made that choice for me. The choice to face life, receive the abundance it has to offer, accept it fully and live willingly. Use life to reach the source of my being and extract the jewels stored therein. Bring them out and offer them to the world around. The huge void left by her is a black hole pregnant with possibilities. Possibilities that will give shape to the values she lived by. 

She lives on through all of us, her children. And she talks to us, tells us what she wants. Her secret diary reveals that she always had her children in her thoughts. Infusing the Guru force in their lives and rooting for their success. She is still doing the same.  Her life is soaked in ours. Manifesting through memories and our actions alike.

She wants her grandson Zen to never feel the lack of the super extra shower of love that she would have given, had she been around physically. She wants Niyati and me to take care of that. 

As for me, she wants me to define my own path, unafraid of the shadows of expectations of the world. She wants to see nothing but the ultimate realisation of my true potential. See my life burn bright with the exhaustion borne out of complete surrender. I must see her after this.  I know I must maintain access to Her. I will not distract myself from that. I want to be alone more often. To brew focus and invest it in my soul. She has left me with many a bigger job to be done. Now she wants me to direct my emotional energy and harness my life force in a way that allows me to fulfil my potential - as a father, as a husband, a friend and an officer. She wants me to make this life count. As for Niyati - she wants to see us as that couple who inspires millions to live meaningful lives, filled with kindness. Can feel her smile when watching Niyati hold Zen in her arms.

Most importantly, she wants all her children to remember her happy times and not the traumatic tremors. The times when she was truly alive. The times when she chirpily told her stories and happily shared videos of her family. When she connected people from across the world through her innocent concern and love. Her Zen and Kabir will know her for what she was - a strong, kind, giving person who was ready to forgive and move on. The coolest Maa in the world! Who worked and still works tirelessly to protect and nourish her own. 

One of those difficult days when language betrayed her, I found myself instinctively rubbing her forehead with my thumb. I was feeling like I was having a silent conversation with her. I gave her the news of her fourth grandchild and she mumbled something to herself. It is said that the soul takes home in an embryo after 3-3.5 months of conception. Just around her 61st birthday, 21 weeks after the shining moon. Zen was born. The math is clear. 

मुर्दों का बाजार

सत्य के थे पैर चार,
किया उनपे हमने ही वार,
गंदगी भोग कर जो,
सजा दिए झूठ के बाजार। 

अब आया झूठों का उबाल,
फैला निर्दयी खेलों का जाल,
सीधी साधी जिंदगी बनी जो,
रण जहां खुद ही से हो टकरार।

  
यहाँ सब संभव पर सब उचित नहीं,
जो लगे सही हो वो सहज नहीं,
इस नकली बसंत में सुंदर फूल दो,

छोड़ इन्हें, ये मौसम हैं बेकार।

कुछ सच्चे जन को तू परख, 
क्षण भर का जीवन, जी बेझिझक, 
मत भूल कि है तुझे सत्य से प्यार, 
ये शमशान सही, तू तो जिंदा है ना यार?

करना क्या है

How will you live if you know, as a fact, that your deceased parent is with you every moment, cheering for you to be the best version of yourself? 

As for me, I would want to make her proud and show her all that I can be. Living intensely, leaving no stones unturned and freeing myself from my past into a glorious future. I would live a life rich enough so as to be alive for millions of years, through the lives I touch. Exactly like my mom, who left her body on Saturday, the 24th of Februrary. I left at 5AM to catch the flight to meet her. I ended up scribbling this while I was driving home from the airport, where I had received the news of her demise. "Karna Kya hai" - The question I was asking at the moment, was as relevant to the social ceremonies involved as to the entire life I was living. 

घर आने को है, बहुत रो लिए, अब करना क्या है? 

जवाब इसका हमेशा मम्मी ने दिया है,

अब करना क्या है? 

घर पहुँचा आज जब, ना मिले जवाब तब, 

करना क्या है! बताओ ना मम्मी?   

आसुओं के प्रपात संग,उजड़ी सांस, सिसकि भंग,

दौड़-ता सवाल मन में, 

भेदता उपाय सब ये,

पूछे हर बीते क्षण, 

कि करना क्या है? 

अर्रे तू चीखता क्या है? कर ना वही, जो वो करतीं,

पूछ खुद से, तुझ ही में वो आ बसीं,

तो क्या है जी के करना - 

इस खौफनाक गणित में दिमाग मत लगा,

उनको जिंदा रखने को अभी तुझे है जीना। 

जो वक्त है ये मुश्किल,

तुझे रखना होगा बड़ा दिल,

धो के चेहरा, जा के सब से मिल,

हिम्मत दे सभी को, और दे भी ये तू भरोसा,

करा दे महसूस की अभी भी जिंदा है सरिता। 

Let's Cut to the Chase

Let's cut to the chase dear. What do you really want? Beyond your exalted miseries, your celebrated evasions, what is it that you really want?   

Now, please don’t pretend that you are not in control of your shit, of your destiny or of your mind-made misery. Please don’t. As I said, let us really cut to the chase.

What do you want? Do you want to sleep some more? Pretend that it’s not really your responsibility? Pretend that you can’t handle the pain?

Or do you, for some more time, just want to carry on like this? Pretending that you are insufficient, incomplete and incapable?

If you do – then by all means, please continue. But do give me a deadline ‘coz I am getting bored of it. I am bored of accepting the commonplace excuses of finite thought. I have seen magic. I know it’s there within me. Waiting to be unlocked. I know you have answers to everything. I know that you know. You have the damn keys to the doors you love banging against. You only pretend to look for a Master Oogway while you stuff momos down your Panda throat. You know there is no one else coming. It’s just you and me. I am the only Master you have got. I am the only Master you need. You know that. Or do you not?

 
मौके पे चौका नहीं, हम छक्का मारते हैं,
चाहे अन्दर हो या बाहर,
बाधाओं को पकड़, हवा में फेकते हैं ...
शरीर और मन पर, रख कर संयम,
खुद को पुचकारते, मुस्कुराते हरदम,
ले के हवा का कश गहरा, बड़ी सी छलांग मारते हैं ...

मौके पे चौका नहीं, हम छक्का मारते हैं.
 

All I am asking of you, my friend, is to take your fighter jet for a spin. Not on the runway ‘coz that’s where the cool crowd hangs; but in the sky – where it really belongs.

नए पंख

 1.

माँ, ये क्या मुझे है हो रहा?

चलते हुए खो गया मैं रस्ता यहाँ - 

अब न राह दिखती, न है कोई सहारा, 

दिमागी बोझ से है कंधा झुक सा गया ...

2.

बेटा, ये क्या है तू कह रहा? 

गौर से तो देख तू जरा - 

डरावना भले, पर सुन्दर है तेरा जीवन सजा,

जमीन तो क्या, अब पूरा आसमान है तेरा ...

नया जरूर तू इन हवाओं में अभी,

सीखेगा इन्हें, भले नए हों नियम सभी,

तो खोज मत तू चलने का कोई नया सहारा,

उठा पंख, बोझ ये तेरे नए पंखो का ...

जब मिल सकता है तू रोज़ मुझसे बादलों के बीच,

उंचाई से डर के अपनी आँख न भींच,

चलने या दौड़ने का नहीं, समय है ये उड़ने का,

बहुत किया संघर्ष अब मस्त हो के पंख फैला ...  

 

स्याही

1.

मैं पूछूँ खुद से -

जिंदगी में अब क्या करूँ? 

चढ़ तो गया हूँ ऊपर बहुत,

इस अहम के नशे से और क्या लूँ ? 

2. 

आता कोई जवाब, उससे पहले 

चेहरे पे एक मुस्कान आ गयी,

विचार की जगह,

हाथ में कलम दे गयी ...

3. 

कभी सत्ता, कभी शौहरत,

और कभी अपनों से खेलने में कसर न है मैंने छोड़ी,

अब घर बैठ, कलम घिस,

परिवार में रहने का मन है बस यूँ ही ... 

 4.

थोडा आलस है, थोडा डर भी,

थोड़ी परेशानियां, थोड़े बहाने,

कुछ छोड़ना है, कुछ पकड़ना,

कुछ कम करना है, कुछ ज्यादा ...

5. 

इस नाप-तोल को तो है चलते रहना,

क्यूंकि परेशानी चाहे जितनी हो बड़ी,

है तो जन्मी वो मुझसे ही,

मुझसे बड़ी तो वो हो नहीं सकती ...

6.

क्या तू पूछता और क्या है कहता,

बना इस अहम के धुंए का शीशा,

अपने फैलाव को समेट,

और शीशे कि स्याही बन रचता जा ...

तू देखता जा!

मेरी हार को मेरी पहचान मत बना - 

मैं जीतूँगा, बस तू देखता जा !

जंग जब खुद की खुद से हो,

थोडा वक़्त जरूर लगेगा,

अच्छे से समझने को - 

क्यूंकि है जंग नहीं पर प्रेम मिलाप ये,

जिसमें जीवन की संभावनाएं खुद के अतीत से मिलें,

मिलन ये ऐसा की इसी में कई कहानियां गढ़ें-

है नायक या खलनायक, इसकी मत कर तू चिंता,

क्यूंकि क्या हार है क्या जीत, ये तो समय ही बताएगा,

अभी इन कहानियों का अंत न हुआ - 

इसीलिए, मेरी हार को मेरी पहचान मत बना,

मैं जीतूँगा, 

बस, तू देखता जा -

बघिया मेरी

1.

ये कहानी है

एक सुंदर सी बघिया की, 

और चंद नन्हे से फूलों की,

पर था इसमें एक पेड़ भी ...

2.

बीते बचपन-जवानी फूलों के,

बघिया की गोद में खिलखिलाते,

एक पेड़ की छाया में पलते,

हँसते हुए, गीत उसके गाते ... 

3. 

वो फूल तो थे बघिया के दिवाने,

पर पेड़ समझे कि वे उसके अहम के दृश्य से थे चहकते,

अपने झूठे वहम में, मूर्ख पेड़ वो बादलों को ललकारे,

बेखबर, की थी वो बघिया ही, जो उसे बचा के रखे ...

4.

क्यूंकि जब बादल निकलें वृक्ष के अहम को तोड़ने, 

बघिया फूलों को आघोष में लिए, हाथ जोड़ तूफानों को रोके, 

श्रृष्टि  के कहर को झेल, अपनों के जीवन सीचें, 

बेखबर पुष्प और पेड़, बस खेलते रहे खेल दुनिया के ...

5.

पर पता नहीं कब और कैसे,

उस पेड़ में और भी भारी राक्षस आ बसे,

जो बघिया को कोसें और मारें,

डरावने रूपों से फूलों की रूह झक्झोंकें ...

6.

राक्षसों का सिलसिला था चलता रहा,

बघिया के प्रेम से मेहेकता था फूलों का समा,

कई साल बघिया ने राक्षसों से सबको बचा के रखा,

जब हुआ बहुत तो बेचारी ने बिमारी को कबूला ...

7.

आज बघिया के पत्ते हैं झड गए,

और अर्ध-ज्ञान के अहम से फूले वृक्ष को छोड़ गए,

 उनकी ममता की खुशबू से आज भी फूलों का जीवन महके,

याद में उनकी, फूलों के आँसू सूखे ...

8.

अब, फूल देखें पेड़ को बिन बघिया के घेराव के,

डरे, सोचें, बिन सोचे वो डरे ,

न चाहते हुए भी नफरत करें,

उस वृक्ष में उन्हें वोह खौफनाक राक्षस जो दिखें ...

9.

राक्षस अहम का -

हंसने में असहज, आक्रोश में नहीं,

जिसने अपनों से प्रेम के दो बोल कभी बोले नहीं,

जिसमें खुद से पहले, दूसरों को रखने की क्षमता नहीं ...

10.

राक्षस अज्ञानता का -

जो पूर्ण हो पैसे से, प्रेम से नहीं,

जो तौले रुतबे को, देखे भाव को नहीं,

जो है भरा सा, ज़रा भी खाली नहीं ...

11.

पर आज, उन राक्षसों से आजाद,

अपनी खुशबू से भी सिखा रही अपने फूलों को उनकी बघिया माँ,

दिखा रही राक्षस के पीछे का बेबस पौधा,

डर है जिसे अपने कमजोर होने का ...

12.

माँ, आपने अपनी छाया से इस फूल को न होने दिया जुदा,

एक सुन्दर परिवार चुन जो नियति के हवाले था कर दिया,

आज ध्यान में आपके साथ होने का एहसास फिर वापस आ गया,

पर उस मूर्ख पेड़ को अपना पाने का इम्तिहाँ ये क्यूँ दे दिया? 

नटखट मस्तियाँ

जिस्म की चुस्कियां, मन की अठखेलियाँ,

अजब है तेरा,

क्षणिक आकर्षण को समर्पण,

हो तू नंगा, पर छोड़ मत  दर्पण ...

क्या है सही, क्या गलत,

ये तुझे ही है समझना,

जंगल है, यहाँ मार्ग कई,

पर ना है कोई अपना ...

जब जीवन लागे नीरस,

छाँव में दोस्तों संग जा हंस,

इस हंसी का सुख है अपना,

पर भूल से इसे परमानंद ना समझ ...  

स्वीकार

 

I.

क्या चल रहा है मन में?

कहीं कोई भद्दा मज़ाक तो नहीं?

पहले भी तो ऐसा हुआ है –

बनता दिख, सब बिगड़ गया है,

कहीं जल्दी तो नहीं खुश होने की?

II.

लाजमी है तेरा यूं डरना,

थोड़ा ठहरना, लपकने से झिझकना,

जरूरी भी हो शायद,

थोड़ा बच के चलना।

III.

तेरी चिंता से परे अब बात आई मुझे समझ,

अर्रे अपने को नहीं कोई बच के चलने की गरज,

जिंदगी दे रही एक नन्हा सा नया तोहफा,

बंधन समझ कर, इसे आंक मत छोटा,

वरदान है जो उसने तेरी गोद में ला रखा,

सामने इसके ना मूल्य किसी और चिंतन का।

IV.

तो मेरे दोस्त,

मत बचा तू आज मुझे टूटने से,

टूट के भी तो बच्चे हम उसी के रहेंगे।

जब समझा उसने काबिल हमें उस अमूल्य तोहफे के,

आ अब उसे सहज खुश हो के स्वीकार लें...

She Says ...

She says I am angry at myself,
I am judging myself too hard –
That, she judges from my poem …
 
Maybe she’s right,
Cause I like to hold my mirror tight,
It’s not without giving in a lot of thought,
Can I sleep at night …
 
I am angry,
@ not being able to cry and breakdown,
@ not wishing 20 more years for my mom,
@ rubbishing my hope as a fool’s pomp,
@ accepting the boundaries of this world’s swamp …
 
@ being the centre of attraction,
@ not feeling like a complaining victim,
@ my inability to feel lost and broken …
 
But, why be angry, especially –
When my perception transcends the urges to judge,
When classification as good or ugly, isn’t necessary,
When both sides of the coin, I clearly see …  
 
Then, why be angry, especially when –
Lost is the compulsion to be perfect,
Lost is the necessity of hypocrisy,
Lost is the need to be reactionary,
Lost myself and found what’s needed to be free …
 
A mid-term death, another life afresh,
Accepting the dualities,
Bearing the weight of conscious conduct …
 
When the wheels are taken away,
Like a plane taking off a runway,
Shoulders do hurt as the wings sway,
Wings of responsible living take me far away …
 
Time for crawling and running is over,
It’s time for old patterns to die,
True, there are rules to be followed,
Even as I fly and puff,
But I’ll fly cause nothing else is enough …

प्रतिबिंब

बेटा,

क्या चुकाने की बात तू है कर रहा?

मेरा प्यार था वो, मेरे अपनों के लिए,

कोई क़र्ज़ नहीं, जिससे पा सके तू छुटकारा। 

 

किस समय की तू है गिनती कर रहा?

ये साथ था जो, लगे कुछ सालों का ये,

पर था, आदि से अनंत तक का।

मुझसे जन्मा, है मुझ में ही तुझे मिटना,

जब ख़ुद ही माना तूने देवी मुझे,

तो यह कैसे हिसाब में तू लग गया?

बेटा,

नहीं कुछ गया है, है नहीं तू अकेला,

चल तू अब मेरे दिये पथ पे,

बिन डर, झिझक के, बहुत दूर अभी है चलना।

 

हर स्वास जीवन है, इसे ख़ुशी से है जीना,

मैं आयी इस अंधेरे में लौ जलाने,

अब इस दिये को तुझे है अखंड बनाना।

 

बहुत हुआ, छोड़ ये सवाल बेमतलब के,

चाहे मिलना मुझसे 

तो बस आँख भर बंद कर ले।

 

और बेटा,

कहीं और नहीं, तुझ ही में है प्रतिबिंब मेरा।।